The old expression that “A parent is only as happy as their unhappiest child” rings true for anyone whose child has been miserable. Children, like adults vary in temperament with some more naturally anxious or irritable, traits that are exacerbated by neurodiversity and family circumstances. A growing literature demonstrates that negative relationship quality and conflict with children have important implications for parents’ well-being but there is less understanding of the daily mechanisms accounting for these effects. It is easy to blame children and to understand that negative exchanges affect relationship quality and sense of wellbeing but how much do we know about this dynamic and how it changes across the lifespan?
A Study Exploring Daily Interactions and Parent – Child Relationship Quality
Stevenson et al (2025) were interested to explore ‘how relationship quality is related to daily encounters between parents and children, how those encounters are linked with parents’ mood, and how these associations vary by age’. A baseline assessment of relationship quality preceded the parents recording their interactions with children every 3 hours for 4 days.129 parents and 337 children participated with ages ranging from 1 to 69 years.
What Did They Find?
The results indicated that parents had contact with their children irrespective of relationship quality and suggest that disagreements and conflicts which may contribute to a poorer assessment of the relationship are a normal part of parent-child contact. However, the more irritating a parent found their child the more likely negative encounters would occur, and less likely exchanges would be experienced as positive. Unpleasant encounters with children were associated with more negative mood in parents and unpleasant encounters with more irritating children were associated with lower positive mood. Pleasant exchanges were associated with greater positive and lower negative moods irrespective of relationship quality. This suggests that parents benefit from good interactions even when relationship quality is assessed as poor.
The life stage of the child was relevant with parents of adolescents more likely to have more contact with more irritating than less irritating young people. This aligns with research which shows that conflict with adolescents is common but not necessarily harmful to the relationship. However, they were less likely to have unpleasant encounters with children in emerging adulthood compared to childhood.
Parents’ age was also a factor with older and middle-aged parents experiencing more unpleasant exchanges with irritating children but with less detrimental effect on their mood than younger parents. The authors suggest that age does determine the way parents experience their relationship, and they may require different support.
Is This Useful for Practitioners?
Understanding these fluctuations across the life span can support practitioners to reassure clients that conflict is normal and does not necessarily harm relationships. However it also provides alerts about times when it is excessive and detrimental to both the parent’s mood and the relationship. Of interest is parents’ experience of their child as irritating and the possibility that work could be done with younger families to address this perception in the hope that it may protect all parties from more negative exchanges currently and at later life stages.
Stephenson, J., Turkelson, A., Fingerman, K., Birditt, K. I love you no matter what: Negative relationship quality and daily encounters in the parent–child tie and their implications for daily mood across the lifespan Family Process. 2025;64:e13094. | 1 of 23 https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.13094
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