There have always been stories of people discovering that the person they called ‘Dad’ was not their biological father with significant ramifications for all concerned. However, many more misattributed parentage discoveries, often referred to as “not parent expected” (NPE) events have become known due to Direct-to-Consumer (DTC) DNA testing, resulting in major disruptions for individuals and families. These may include undisclosed extramarital relationships, non-consensual sexual encounters, secret adoptions, or the use of donor gametes without disclosure. Such discoveries shake the foundations of identity, kinship, and family identity. It is estimated that between 1-4% of the North American population have a parent who is not the one they assume.
What Does this Mean for Families?
While significant attention has been paid to individual consequences there has been less interest on the impact on the family. This was the focus of research by Grethel et al (2026) who analysed data from in-depth interviews with 43 members of 11 families in the United States and Canada where a member discovered that the father who raised them was not their biological parent.
A Theoretical Framework
The authors drew on four complementary theoretical frameworks to analyse the data to explore emotional, relational, and intergenerational dynamics. These were family systems theory which would predict a recalibration in family roles, relationships and shared narratives, ambiguous loss theory which acknowledges the loss of perceived identity or relational certainty in the absence of a physical loss, betrayal trauma theory which accounts for the emotional consequences of discovering a trusted caregiver has withheld crucial information and Communication Privacy Management Theory which describes how families manage the disclosure of sensitive information. Together, these perspectives provided a framework to understand the family experience.
What Happens in Families When the Truth Emerges?
The authors identified four inter-related processes which were triggered by the discovery; systemic disruption, intergenerational secrecy and betrayal, ambiguous loss and identity renegotiation, and adaptive realignment over time. The discovery produced a ‘cascade of emotional and relational upheaval shock,’ with ‘confusion, grief and anger experienced not only by the NPE individual, but also by siblings, social and biological parents, spouses, and even extended kin.’ With the discovery came a profound sense of betrayal and rupture of trust in the family with the mother’s response at the time of disclosure critical to family healing or fracture. Where mothers had the capacity or willingness to respond with openness and remorse and acknowledge their child’s distress, families remained more cohesive and were more able to move towards forgiveness. A third dynamic was that of ambiguous loss and identity renegotiation where the child grieved their assumed family identity and role. Siblings also struggled to understand the change of status from ‘full’ to ‘half’ and some felt jealousy at having to share their family member with new relatives. This was particularly difficult for the social father who remained active in everyday life but also had to reconsider his role. A key aspect to family recalibration was decisions guiding management of sensitive information which, dictated by family privacy and boundary rules, determined who should and shouldn’t know. This could result in tensions and guilt as a family decision to withhold the secret could leave some members withholding information from others that left them uncomfortable. Another crucial decision was whether or how to incorporate new family with some redrawing family boundaries to include while others kept relationships distant. Despite the challenges, many families in the study found a way to retain their relationships while integrating the new information about parentage.
In Conclusion
It is likely that the incidence of NPE events among Australian families is like North America. Discovering the truth confronts families with new unexpected and disturbing information, challenging capacity to incorporate it and requiring change. Supporting families can result in a richer more expansive world for all who are touched by the revelation.
Grethel, M., Kirkpatrick Williams, B., Schuman, O., Guerrini, C. (2026) The Ripple Effects of Misattributed Parentage: The Systemic Family Impact of “Not Parent Expected” Discoveries Family Process, 2026; 65: e70207 https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.70207
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