Substance misuse in one child in a family creates a whirlwind that draws everyone into its path, eating up time, attention, and order. Living in a constant state of crisis where resources become focused on one person has significant consequences for siblings who may suffer socio-relational difficulties, poor parenting or the adopting of adult roles and responsibilities. In addition, children are denied the benefits of a strong and positive sibling relationship which has been shown to enhance capacity to manage life’s adversities and stressors.
Literature mirrors the family in that, despite the recognition of the importance of siblings, little attention has been paid to their experience.
What Do We Know?
It may be that this neglect is due to the sense that compared to their addicted sibling, other children appear less affected even though the whole family may be experiencing financial difficulties, violence, and intrusions from outside authorities. Children may suffer from family financial and parenting resources being focused on one child at the expense of their needs. Secrecy and anxiety become endemic with siblings becoming hypervigilant and overly focused on signs of a sibling’s instability.
A Study Exploring the Sibling Experience
Bonaci and Lanfranco (2026) conducted in depth interviews with six adult siblings of a person experiencing substance misuse who did not currently live with them but had done so for a minimum of five years. The study sought to understand how these people made meaning of the problem in their family and how they ‘felt forgotten, were surrounded by chaos, suffered losses, yet showed resilience.’
Participants spoke of a sense of neglect and that their needs were secondary which created self-doubt and poor self-worth. They struggled to identify personal impacts and emotions which is characteristic of those who have been emotionally neglected.
For these siblings home was not a safe place as they were exposed to violent episodes, overdose, theft of their belongings and police attendance. This resulted in anxiety, anger, and fear and for some a decline in their own physical and emotional health.
Another theme was loss, with participants reflecting on the sacrifices made while their sibling lived with them, their lost childhood as they took on roles beyond their years, the lack of safety and trust in the home and the lost sibling relationship.
How Did They Survive?
Most of the participants initially attempted to cope alone and hid behind secrecy as a way of presenting a normal façade. However, they did seek help from extended family, partners or siblings who shared their experience. They all encouraged their substance abusing sibling to seek help and half sourced their own which was found to be valuable in processing their emotions and coping abilities.
Despite the challenges participants demonstrated resilience ‘by maintaining a positive outlook on their experiences, attributing their inner strength as a significant source of support and viewing the situation as a catalyst for personal growth.’ These strategies significantly contributed to their capacity to withstand and recover from their experiences.
In Conclusion
Working with families always carries the risk that the ‘squeaky wheel’ will command our attention to the exclusion of others who may also be suffering. Keeping the experience of siblings in mind when they are adept at not being seen or heard in their families is of utmost importance and just as central as the person with the presenting problem.
Bonaci,L. and Lanfranco,I Behind the Silence: Siblings’ Experiences of Addiction in the Family Australian and New Zealand Journal of Family Therapy, 2026; 47:e70054 https://doi.org/10.1002/anzf.70054
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