We have all had the disconcerting experience of being caught on the most benign and respectable platforms, scrolling away an hour we didn’t want to lose. There is no doubt the experience could be described as addictive which is often the term parents use when speaking about their child or adolescent’s relationship with social media and their sense of helplessness to address this. With new national laws coming into effect on December 10 that ban children under 16 years from accessing a range of popular platforms, this has sharpened parents’ attention and concern and is often raised as a major issue in child and adolescent therapy. ‘How do we control ‘it’ and them?
The Language of Addiction
While social media use is compelling and challenging to manage, the words we use to describe the experience are important in shaping both our understanding and response. In the public imagination the term addiction conjures up notions of deprivation, criminality, and isolation. It is framed as an individual weakness which may require a hitting of ‘rock bottom’ before a person is willing to conjure the necessary motivation to seek a cure. In essence it is an individual responsibility which only the afflicted person can address in their own time.
Is This Helpful in Addressing Young People’s Media Use?
Social media is relational and for many young people central to forming and maintaining important connections that support development. The conflict it generates in families is also relational and is often focussed on the young person’s refusal to engage with the family or their behaviour towards others when access is denied. Locating the problem inside an individual fails to appreciate the interactional nature of the problem and implies solutions that are unlikely to be helpful.
Authority and Responsibility Become Misaligned
An inside construction leads to a misalignment of authority and responsibility where the young person may be viewed as ‘in the grip’ of something bigger than them that they cannot control, and the parent tasked with increasing their motivation to ‘fight’ it. The parent finds themselves holding full responsibility to effect change but unable to do so, with authority fully located in their child. This inevitably leads to conflict with parents begging, entreating, threatening punishing, resulting in the young person further withdrawing or retaliating. In the process each side becomes increasingly alienated and the possibility for each side hearing and understanding the other is compromised. Information which is crucial to change is reduced, and a vicious cycle established. This is the stage where parents may present for therapy asking that the practitioner take over their role as a person they hope can exercise greater authority with their child.
An Alternative Perspective
Viewing the struggle in relational terms and as a misalignment of authority and responsibility allows the practitioner to take an alternative stance. Instead of attempting to persuade a young person to change, a dialogue between adults and their children allows different understandings, new information and outcomes that both honour a parent’s proper duty and requirements for the young person to maintain connection with peers and their social milieu. An inclusive participatory and collaborative approach to addressing the problem is more likely to be successful than an individualised, pathologizing one.
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