Hanging washing, mopping floors, cleaning the bathroom; who enjoys these tasks day in, day out? Yet often responsibility to do the most mind numbing and repetitive jobs fall to one or two adults in the house while other family members declare they are too busy with homework, work, or social commitments to contribute. While it may seem reasonable that the person who contributes most to the family income or those with weighty study demands should be exempt from more menial tasks, it may not be fair or beneficial to anyone.
Why Do Tasks Matter?
Household chores must be done, and someone has to do them, but lack of contribution may be as detrimental to those who avoid this work as those who do it.
These tasks are rarely seen to be of the same importance as paid work outside the home or studying for a career. If one person is left fully responsible there is an implication that they are of less value than other family members and may be treated as such. Such inequality may manifest as disrespect and breed resentment. A fair and equal distribution of labor dependent on each person’s developmental capacity and availability is more positive for all family members.
What About Children?
Parents may believe it is unfair to children to expect them to contribute to the household when they are already busy with school and extra-curricular activities. However, research evidence from the Harvard Study of Adult Development suggests otherwise. This longitudinal study tracking the lives of Harvard Sophomores beginning in 1938 aimed to explore factors that contributed to a happy and healthy life for over 80 years and across three generations. One finding was that children who were given age-appropriate chores, expressed higher life satisfaction as adults, developed stronger relationships, and had a better work ethic.
How Do We Explain This?
Sharing the load of household chores is a tangible way of teaching and embedding reciprocity in everyday life and relationships. Reciprocity is the fair, not necessarily equal, give and take of relationships that build compassion and empathy which in turn fuels the actions of reciprocity. It appears to be a developmental process which begins with the exchange of smiles and eye contact between caregivers and infant and builds with the increasing capacity of the child and parents’ willingness to ask for their reasonable contribution. Most parents are willing to teach a child to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ when they make a request but are less comfortable to ask they put wrappers in a bin or clothes in a laundry basket. They may explain that ‘It is easier to do it myself’ than have to repeatedly ask. However, this deprives the child of crucial social and relationship learning and the opportunity to share the responsibility for ordinary daily tasks and the experience of doing them. Acts of generosity and service to others build relationships and prepare both child and family for the challenging years of adolescence. Respect, empathy and generosity to family members are powerful counterweights to the internal disruption and social challenges this life phase presents and protects ongoing and protective relationship.
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