Separation can be painful and conflict laden and disagreements about parenting can generate high levels of distress for children and their parents. Knowing what assistance is available and what is most appropriate in these situations is crucial. Both Family Therapy and Mediation can be helpful. But which is most appropriate?
What Does Each Mean?
Family therapy is a form of therapy ‘that helps family members improve communication, resolve conflicts, and navigate difficult life transitions. Rather than focusing on one individual, it views the family as an interconnected system and treats the relationships, behavioural patterns, and dynamics within the whole unit’. The British Association for Family and Systemic Therapy additionally suggests that ‘It enables family members, couples and others who care about each other to express and explore difficult thoughts and emotions safely, to understand each other’s experiences and views, appreciate each other’s needs, build on strengths and make useful changes in their relationships and their lives.’
Couples separate for multiple reasons, and many preserve a respect and care for each other that allows a process that requires a level of trust and vulnerability. While no longer wishing for couple intimacy, they retain a belief in the other’s parenting and a desire to improve relationships for the sake of their children. For these couples, family therapy which strengthens and defines new arrangements for the good of children can well equip them to manage the ongoing challenges of joint parenting without additional support.
A Fundamental Difference
When a family has moved beyond trying to repair or improve their relationships, and the focus has shifted to making practical decisions about life after separation, mediation is often the more appropriate process. Rather than exploring emotional patterns, family dynamics, or relationship issues, mediation concentrates on helping parents negotiate workable agreements about matters such as parenting arrangements, communication, decision-making, and other day-to-day responsibilities. It provides a structured, future-focused environment in which separating parents can identify areas of disagreement, consider options, and work towards mutually acceptable outcomes. For families who are no longer seeking therapeutic change but need assistance resolving practical issues and moving forward, mediation can offer a more direct and efficient pathway.
In Conclusion
Separation and divorce can bring high levels of distress and risk for both adults and children and anxiety for practitioners. Understanding the value and appropriateness of both mediation and family therapy is protective of all involved.
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