For Christians, the four-day holiday of Easter is the most significant in the religious calendar, an opportunity to reflect on the harrowing story of Christ’s trial and crucifixion and of the joy of promised resurrection, fulfilled. The gospels, some written nearly 2,000 years ago, are recounted by disciples, Mathew, Mark, Luke, and John and share common features, but there are also significant differences. Who was present at the trial, crucifixion and resurrection differs across writers as does the timing of events. Theologians have explored both similarities and differences and explained them as due to writing conventions of their day, the intention of the writing and the time between the events and recording. The question of what is true is troubling for some people.
Who is Right?
Working as couple and family therapists we are often invited to decide “who is right?” Where conflict is high, between couples, adolescents and parents or adult siblings the need for the third-party independent arbiter to declare guilt and innocence can be compelling. With this comes the implicit promise of exoneration, reparation, or punishment with the belief that this will prevent future difficulties.
Is this a Good Idea?
As systemic practitioners we believe that addressing the pattern which connects and has produced the symptom of conflict will allow for change in relationships and hope of resolution. Knowing exactly ‘Who said what to whom and when’ is unlikely to further this end and risks the practitioner adopting a stance that fails to do justice to each person, the presenting problem, and possible solutions. In exploring the broader relationship patterns, the meanings attached to key exchanges and the beliefs each party holds about themselves, their relationships, the obligations they hold and what is owed, a richer more fully systemic understanding emerges. When the lens is further broadened to include the social and cultural milieu in which the family live, multiple possibilities for change become apparent.
Do We Need to Understand ‘What Really Happened?’
When this perspective is adopted, the facts of dates and times and who was present become less pressing. It is inevitable that important events in the life of a family or society will be seen, understood, and recalled differently.
When we consider the Easter story, we know a man bravely opposed oppression and died a terrible death for his conviction. We know his friends stood by him and risked their safety by going to his tomb to prepare his body for burial and found it empty. We also know that his words and stories have inspired many people to live according to principles of generosity, kindness, courage, and compassion. He encouraged forgiveness for all who transgressed and care for children and those who were weaker and in need. At a time when life was harsh and many suffered, he pointed people to the possibility of a better future.
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