Symmetry and Complementarity

Notes on Symmetrical and Complementary Interaction in the Therapeutic Relationship

1. The purpose of this document is to explain symmetry and complementarity, its application to therapy and the skill set required to apply it in therapy.
2. Therapy in this context refers to psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, counselling, systemic therapy, family therapy, etc.
3. Therapy is an organized, relational, interactional, dialogical process involving people. These are some of the general characteristics of all living systems and the therapeutic relationship is a living system.
4. The best way for a practitioner to learn about symmetry and complementarity is through therapy, through a therapeutic relationship that a practitioner is part of. This is second order thinking, systemic thinking that includes the practitioner. It involves the practitioner observing themselves and their own interactions with others and observing the interactions others have with them, as well as observing the interactions other people in that therapeutic system have with each other.
5. Symmetry (or symmetrical) describes a situation or an event where there are two or more parts to something, of the same in size and shape, perhaps similar in position, often repeated (e.g. [2² = 4]; [45° + 45° = 90°]; two long stem red roses in vase positioned on a 90° angle to each other; the row of date palms down the centre of the main street of Port Pirie).
6. Symmetry suggests regularity, balance, equilibrium, evenness and proportion.
7. Complementary (or complementarity) describes a situation or an event where there are two or more parts to something, not of the same in size and shape and perhaps not in similar in position, where the size and shape of the second part completes the size and shape of the first part; where the position of one completes the position of the other; where one forms or is a complement to the other e.g. [1 + 3 = 4]; [30° + 60° = 90°]; etc.
8. Complementary suggests balancing, opposite, harmonising, matching, corresponding and pairing.
9. Interaction is when two (or more) people act reciprocally in relation to each other, when they do things in relationship to and with each other, where the action, utterance, affect, emotion or behaviour of one is a direct response to the action, utterance, affect, emotion or behaviour of the other; where the action, utterance, affect, emotion or behaviour of one person acts as the catalyst for a similar action, utterance, affect, emotion or behaviour from the other person.
10. Interaction is about communication, reciprocity, mutuality, exchange, relationship, contact, cooperation, dialogue, dispute, disagreement, collaboration, difference and conflict. It is the social, behavioural, emotional, cognitive and neurobiological interface between people. When people interact with each other they engage in some form of mutual exchange where they act reciprocally with and on each other i.e. they engage in some form of reciprocal or two way ‘give and take’. What do people reciprocally ‘give and take’ – touch, looking at each other, looking away from each other, avoidance, hatred, affection, disdain, emotions, thoughts, ideas, observations, etc.
11. A symmetrical interaction between two people is when:
    • The action of Person ‘A’ is similar to the action of Person ‘B’ and vice versa e.g. Person ‘A’ hits the ball to Person ‘B’ and Person ‘B’ hits the ball back to Person ‘A’.
    • The utterance of Person ‘A’ is similar to the utterance of Person ‘B’ and vice versa e.g. Person ‘A’ grunts when she hits the ball to Person ‘B’ and Person ‘B’ grunts when he hits the ball back to her.
    • The affect shown by Person ‘A’ is similar to the affect shown by Person ‘B’ and vice versa e.g. Person ‘A’ grunts and smiles when she hits the ball to Person ‘B’ and Person ‘B’ grunts and smiles when he hits the ball back to her.
    • The emotions felt by Person ‘A’ are similar to the emotions felt by Person ‘B’ and vice versa e.g. Person ‘A’ grunts, smiles and feels happy when she hits the ball to Person ‘B’ and Person ‘B’ grunts, smiles and feels happy when he hits the ball back to her.
    • The meaning attributed by Person ‘A’ to an event, action, utterance, affect, emotion or behaviour is similar to the meaning attributed to that event, action, utterance, affect, emotion or behaviour by Person ‘B’ e.g. Person ‘A’ hits the ball to Person ‘B’, grunts, smiles, feels warm and happy and knows deep inside herself that her partner is back, and in return Person ‘B’ hits the ball back to Person ‘B’, grunts, smiles, feels warm and happy, and knows deep inside himself that their partnership is back.
12. Examples of symmetrical interaction are competition, boxing, most forms of public violence, play, love, equality, sex, intimacy, confrontation, conflict, argument, debate, an election.
13. A complementary interaction between two people is when:
    • The action of Person ‘A’ is dissimilar to the action of Person ‘B’ and vice versa e.g. Person ‘A’ hits the ball to Person ‘B’ and Person ‘B’ stands still, does not move, does not attempt a return shot to Person ‘A’ and lets the ball pass.
    • The utterance of Person ‘A’ is dissimilar to the utterance of Person ‘B’ and vice versa e.g. Person ‘A’ grunts when she hits the ball to Person ‘B’ and Person ‘B’ is completely silent as he lets the ball pass.
    • The affect shown by Person ‘A’ is dissimilar to the affect shown by Person ‘B’ and vice versa e.g. Person ‘A’ grunts and smiles as she hits the ball to Person ‘B’ and Person ‘B’ is silent and looks frustrated as he lets the ball pass.
    • The emotions felt by Person ‘A’ are dissimilar to the emotions felt by Person ‘B’ and vice versa e.g. Person ‘A’ grunts, smiles and feels happy as she hits the ball to Person ‘B’ and Person ‘B’ is silent, looks frustrated and feels sad as he lets the ball pass.
    • The meaning attributed by Person ‘A’ to an event, action, utterance, emotion or behaviour is dissimilar to the meaning attributed to that event, action, utterance, emotion or behaviour by Person ‘B’ e.g. Person ‘A’ grunts, smiles and feels happy as she hits the ball to Person ‘B’ really wanting to believe they can get their partnership back and in return Person ‘B’ is silent, looks frustrated and feels sad as he lets the ball pass now knowing that their partnership is finally over.
14. Examples of complementary interaction are family violence, inequality, some aspects of sex, confrontation – avoidance exchanges, dominance – submissive exchanges, employer-employee exchanges, murder, mother-baby attachment, child abuse, parenting, rape, counselling, listening, massage, theatre, interviewing etc.
15. There is no form of interaction between people that is not symmetrical or complementary or both. Most interaction between people is in sequences and most sequences of interaction involve a rich mix of symmetrical and complementary exchanges. This needs to be fully understood and appreciated. It true for any human arrangement including all interactions between family members i.e. parent and child, husband and wife, parent and grandparent, etc. This is also true of the therapeutic system and the therapeutic relationship between the practitioner and individual client, couple and whole family.
16. ‘Organization’ means a living system is restrained or constrained to be one thing or shape more than another. This is the way nature is. Organization may also explain why some things don’t exist. It means that some interactions between people in a living system are more likely to occur and be repeated and some interactions may rarely, if ever, occur. This produces patterns or regularities in interaction e.g. if we watch a mother with her two week old baby we see the repetition of particular interactions such as that mother relentlessly looking at the baby and responding to every minor movement, sound and cry that baby makes. The baby makes a sound, the mother touches the baby and makes a corresponding sound. This becomes repetitive and predictable. In due course the mother makes a sound and the baby responds but we are not at that developmental point yet. This interaction between mother and baby is familiar, highly organized and predictable. When the baby makes a sound the mother has many other alternative responses such as scream, walk away, hit the baby, remain silent, etc. The response the mother gives when the baby cries means she is not engaging in any of the alternative responses available to her. This is good and what all of us observing the mother want and will her to do. This endless repetition breathes life into the still developing baby. This is a relentless complementary relationship. The mother accommodates to the baby. We know the mother can’t keep this complementarity up forever otherwise she will get nothing else done, especially if she has other children or other demands. We also know that it is not wise for the mother to keep up this order of positive complementary interaction with the baby forever as this will also compromise the baby’s development. At some point the mother will not respond immediately to the baby’s movement or sound or cry. At some point the mother will do something else before responding immediately to the baby. At some point another demand will be as compelling and demanding as the sound of that baby, and the baby will have to wait. For perhaps thirty seconds the mother will respond to another demand that at least matches the demand the baby is making. This is symmetry. The two demands are equal and match each other in that moment. To accommodate another demand the mother must momentarily say ‘no’ to the baby’s demand. This is the mother not immediately accommodating the baby and engaging in a momentary symmetrical exchange with the baby. Of course we know that following this and after attending to the other demand, the mother then accommodates the baby. The baby is happy now. Suddenly the baby has experienced both symmetrical and complementary interaction with the mother and the mother has engaged her baby in the richness that is symmetrical and complementary interaction.
17. Interaction is integral to all living systems. Being interactional and dialogical, living systems are driven by difference. This is the information that drives a living system. Therapy is a process of interaction. Therapy is driven by difference.
18. Every model and theory of psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, counselling, systemic therapy, family therapy, etc. has the relationship between a practitioner and at least one patient/client at the heart of that process.
19. In living, organic terms a relationship necessarily means interaction (i.e. the practitioner and the patient/client are in a direct relationship with each other and they interact with each other). Some models and theories restrict and control practitioner-patient/client interaction (e.g. psychoanalysis) and others such as family therapy permit an expansive interaction. Interaction is interaction even if silence prevails between the parties as silence is action and action can be silence, each equally powerful, persuasive and influential. The absence of interaction is as powerful as the presence of interaction in relationship. If there is no relationship then silence is irrelevant. Understanding interaction is central to understanding the therapeutic relationship between practitioner and patient/client. Therapeutic interaction is predictable and that predictability is defined by the model or theory itself. Predictability is constraint and this means that the therapeutic relationship is constrained. Constraint means that some interactions are more likely to occur than other interactions. The analyst sitting and saying nothing while the analysand talks freely for a lengthy period of time, punctuated at some point with analyst explaining or interpreting the content of the analysand’s monologue is a highly predictable and limited form of interaction. The psychoanalytic therapeutic relationship is unequal and very narrowly circumscribed.
20. Interaction is central to understanding systemic practice and family therapy and is a central proposition in the Bower Place Method (BPM). Interaction specifically refers to the exchanges that take place between people, between people and systems, and between systems – in the socio-relational ‘outside’ space (BPM).
21. In structure and form, the therapeutic relationship is an unequal, complementary relationship; it is not an equal and symmetrical relationship.