Preparing a client for Mediation

It is strongly recommended that an individual is very well prepared for the mediation process. A list of tips below.

1. Individuals should make sure they have outcomes all written down in advance, in a diary neither the other party nor the mediator can see or read – have those outcomes close at hand and where they can touch and read them.
2. Get preferred outcomes real and clear – both (Positive outcomes) – 3 outcomes out of the mediation process that are most wanted to have happen and (Negative outcomes) – the 3 outcomes that are totally unacceptable.
3. Work out how to address any ‘domestic violence’ allegations the other party may raise.
4. How to get primary concerns on the table – i.e. The other parties mental health, medication compliance, interactions with children, etc.
5. How not to be bullied by the mediator into agreeing to something – a mediators KPI is about producing an agreement.
6. Remember, in mediation, for the mediator to be balanced they must allocate equal talk time to each party – in practice equal time often looks more like 60:40 in favour of one party over the other – bias creeps into the process especially in a relationship to gender especially when heavyweight allegations may be put on the table.
7. Allow any bias to pass – it may suit to have only 40% of the talk time as this means that there is less opportunity to put ones foot in it.
8. Make sure to get ‘first right of refusal’ plus a substantial relationship with children – and a future forward agreement about children. Note one can agree to a seriously unbalanced arrangement whilst children are babies, and this sets one up for the future.
9. Remember, individuals are not on trial in a mediation process – the mediator has no power apart from the authority they possess to halt the mediation process.
10. If ‘domestic violence’ allegations are put on the table, the mediator must consider very carefully whether they can in fact mediate the matter.
11. Domestic violence, allegations mean the mediator is forced to consider whether these are allegations of a sufficiently serious order that the matter cannot be mediated OR alternatively the mediator may deem these allegations to be of a relatively minor nature insufficient to halt the mediation process.
12. Each set of grandparents are equally entitled to play a role in relation to children.
13. Slow down, speak slowly, carefully, do not over explain, do not justify actions,
14. Write down any allegations, absolutely verbatim – and clarify each allegation with the other party and the mediator – write so all parties can see what is written.
15. Remember any party is entitled to call the mediation to halt if serious allegations are put on the table. Allegations should not be responded to.
16. The dialogue between the parties in mediation is privileged, however this does not stop the other side using the mediation process to gather information they can later use against the other.
17. Mediation is not a place for testing out allegations, it is a process for resolving disputes – therefore allegations are not responded to in the mediation. The other side have to put their money where their mouth is and pursue any allegations elsewhere, not in mediation. Parties are not on trial in mediation.